confessions of a maladjusted former missionary

It's been a while since I've written anything here. Mostly that's because I have a hard time keeping up with being a mom, a wife, and a full-time public school teacher. But, another major factor in neglecting writing is that I've had a hard time adjusting to life in the States. For most of the past 8 months, and probably longer than that, I've been cocooning myself from the world. I suppose my philosophy was that if I drew into myself and ignored the world, I could avoid some of the pain of leaving Haiti. I've become a master at avoiding interactions with people that might lead to meaningful conversations. The only thing cocooning myself did, though, was isolate me during a time when I desperately needed to be surrounded by people who love and support me. Change is hard no matter what, but this particular change was extreme. We left our jobs, our first home as a married couple, Arold's family, our friends and coworkers, our church, the ministry to Haitian students we loved so much... Everything about our lives changed in one fell swoop.

Logically, I know we made the decision to follow God's leading and move the United States. Irrationally, I felt like God did this to (instead of for or with) us. In the beginning I was hurt and angry, feeling like God had sent us to the US and forgotten about us. When I'm being reasonable, I can see that God is still using us--maybe not in the way we'd like, but working through us nonetheless--and that he has a purpose for our time here. Arold is taking Bible classes, we are learning about various models of ministry, and we are working on becoming financially independent. Knowing that our time here is preparing us for future ministry is the balm to my hurting heart.

Living in the States has been good. We stayed with my parents for the first seven months before moving into an apartment of our own. They adored having Isaac there every day to tickle and cuddle and keep out of the dog food. It was a true blessing to live with them while we transitioned to life here. We enjoy the stability and conveniences of living in a developed nation. And, I personally am thankful for hot showers every single day.

But as good as it is to have access to the conveniences of the modern world at my fingertips, I'm still learning to reconcile the desires of my heart with the reality of today.

starting to sink in

We left Haiti six weeks ago. I know in my head that we moved here, but until today it mostly felt like we were on vacation. Visiting my family, eating ridiculous amounts of junk food, and showing off my hubby and baby, you know? (Well, it probably hasn't felt like vacation to my husband who has been working the last two weeks. Praise the Lord for a job!!)

Today I went to meet the administrators and the English department chairman at the high school where I'll be teaching (Goshen, for anyone local). I'm getting excited about meeting my new students and having a mission field again. I found out which classes I'll be teaching, saw my office area, and picked up my keys. It's kind of fun to start something new.

But today was also a reminder that my ministry in Gramothe is complete. Magalie, Faubert, Ricardo, Tania, Ogimene, Ameline, Rony, and all the rest of them aren't my students anymore. They are forever in my heart, but they aren't my students.

*sigh*

Change is hard. I know I'll have new students to get to know and love, but I really miss my MTM students today.

getting settled

Well, we've been in the States about a month now. There's not much to report other than we both have jobs and we're trying to get settled.

The first few weeks felt like vacation. Except for the parts where we were job hunting for Arold. That is definitely not the stuff of a vacation. Praise the Lord he was finally hired by a company in Goshen. Someone from church got him the job and we are incredibly thankful for God's provision!

There are many wonderful things about the United States. Hot water--all the time. Access to a full sized washer and dryer. Fast food. Smooth roads. Air conditioning (though someone doesn't appreciate it as much as the other).

But there have also been many adjustments for us. We miss Arold's family, our students, our friends. My husband hasn't said so, but I think it's safe to say we both miss the food. We miss our life in Haiti, but we are getting settled here. Arold has started working. Isaac is doing a trial run at daycare while I help them out for the next two weeks. We are trying to get plugged in at church (we're attending Brenneman Memorial Missionary in Goshen for anyone wondering).

Sometimes I think it would be nice to just cocoon ourselves inside my parents' home and stay hidden away as long as possible. But I know we need to set down roots and make a life for our family here.

Overall, I'd say we're doing well. Both my guys have adjusted much better than I thought they would. I just need to remember to give myself grace while we make this transition.

Keep praying for us, will ya?

Our Last Sunday in Gramothe

Today was our last Sunday in Gramothe. It has rained a lot lately and the road has been getting worse and worse. There are some really big holes in the road on the way down to the riverbed, and this morning they threatened to swallow us up. There's a team of 18 people here right now, but we didn't take the truck to church. The road is just too bad. So some people walked (bless their hearts) and the rest of us rode the ATVs. I have taken Isaac on the ATVs before--always in his moby wrap--but today was scary. That road is crazy! It was a relief to get to the riverbed because there were no giant holes to swallow us up. If it wasn't our last time at church in Gramothe, I would have kept Isaac at home!

Church was really great--except for my cranky son. I listened to the sermon from the cafeteria because he was so restless/cranky/crying. I tried to keep him in the sanctuary the other parts of church, but we left a lot because he was making so much noise. Silly boy. The great parts of church were the singing time, the English sermon on following Jesus, and the part where Willem called our family up on stage. We actually were up there twice. Before the sermon Willem called us up and talked a lot about Arold and then let him say something to the church. Isaac was going crazy, so we left the stage after that. But after the sermon Willem called me back up to say something (through tears of course) to the church. It was good to say goodbye. Then the church prayed for us. Prayer send offs are one of my favorite parts of being part of a congregation. I cried the whole time, and I saw my husband wipe away tears too.

The best/hardest part of church was when everyone was dismissed and so many people made their way to Arold and me. It was like a wedding receiving line. Except I was by the door and Arold was on stage. So it was two receiving lines of one person. Rosias and Monley were some of the first people to come and hug me. They were both crying, so of course I burst into tears again. (And I had just gotten myself under control from the prayer time!) Then other students and adults in the church came to find me and bless me and Isaac before we left. It was really sweet to be told over and over again that I am loved and they will miss me. Of course I got to tell them that I love them too and God bless them. Such a perfect way to end my time in Gramothe.

Tonight Arold's family is coming over after church. It's nice to spend time with them before we go. We will miss them so much more than words can say.

Update on going back to work

So, last Monday I posted a very sad post about how I didn't want to go back to school. I actually wrote that post on the Friday before. I cried and cried over the weekend about leaving my little baby with a lady I barely know. (I'm sure I still would have cried if it had been someone I knew well.)

Well, I thankfully got all my tears out over the weekend. Monday rolled around, and I was dry eyed. I got myself ready, said goodbye to Isaac who was happily playing with the nanny, and then went to school. I teared up as I was leaving the driveway, but I didn't cry. And when I got to school my students were so excited to see me that I almost forgot to be sad about leaving Isaac. The kids asked me if I was strong with Creole now (I laughed and said NO!), how Isaac was doing, and when I was going to bring him to school. Then they told me how happy they were to see me. It was the same conversation over and over again. It was so good for my heart to hear my students ask about Isaac and tell me how happy they were to see me. It was also good for my emotional well being to have adult conversations and interact with people who don't blow spit bubbles or puke all over themselves and me after they eat.

Unfortunately, I haven't been back to school since last Monday because we're waiting on an ATV part. It should arrive today with the team and I'm hopeful it will be installed in time for me to take the ATV to school on Wednesday for my classes. I'm ready to get into a routine!

Word of the Year, 2012: Faithful

In college, I formed the habit of choosing one scripture verse to be my theme for the year. I memorized the verse or group of verses, prayed it over my life, and tried to apply it to all the situations I found myself in throughout the year. It was a really good habit and caused growth in my spiritual life.

In 2009, I mixed things up and chose a one word theme for the year. In 2009 I focused on humility, in 2010 wisdom, and 2011 was patience. I don't feel like I've had an "easy" year in the mix at all. I mean, if God wanted me to focus on LOVE, I feel like that would be easy. But since the point is spiritual growth and not comfort, I guess being uncomfortable indicates it's working.

The end of 2011 was a bit... full. I prayed about a theme for the year, but I didn't really sit and listen to God much. I was kind of busy with my wedding and being a newlywed. It wasn't until a week or so ago, that I really felt peace about a theme for the year. I tossed around perseverance,  peace, and other fruits of the Spirit. But ultimately I felt like God was giving me the word faithful.

So this year of 2012 (Is it weird that I always say it in Creole when I type or write it?) will be a year of pondering what it means to be faithful and looking for evidence in my life that God is faithful. I don't think it's going to take much work to recognize God's faithfulness, but learning to be more full of faith could make life pretty interesting.

Anybody else up for choosing a one word theme for the year? If so, leave me a comment with your word.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

The last week has been a whirlwind, but I enjoyed having my family and friends in Haiti. The wedding was beautiful, the fellowship with friends and family incredible, and the unexpected blessings abundant.

AND, I'm officially married. There were days this fall I never thought the day would arrive! It was a special day, and I can't wait to see some more pictures. I'll post more about the wedding later, but here's a teaser photo of the pastor praying over us after we exchanged vows. So far it's my favorite.

Marrying Arold was the best end to 2011 I can imagine. Our first full day of married life was the best reward for a year full of patience. We're looking forward to growing closer to the Lord and each other in 2012.

Happy New Year, friends. Many blessings on you in this new year.

I saw this the other day and really liked it. It reminds me a lot of what Jesus said in Matthew about losing our lives to gain something better.

Giving Up Your LIfe

Last week Pastor John preached on parts of Luke 9. You know the part of the Bible where Jesus says,  “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Then we sang a song (below) in church today that talks about being the hands and feet of Jesus. There's a line that says, "I wanna give my life away, all for your kingdom's sake."

I want that. I can't tell you how much I want that. But I also feel a lot like the rich young ruler lately. I want to follow Jesus, but it's hard to leave behind the life I have here. 

When I get on that plane to Haiti in three weeks, I'll be leaving behind

• watching Big Bang Theory with my dad
• hot showers any time I want
• Christmas with my family (I start crying every time I think about this. I have a plan for skyping with them that day, but it tears my heart out that I won't be there with them.)
• spur of the moment movie nights with friends
• going shopping with my mom whenever she comes to Mishawaka
• seeing my mom graduate from Bethel in May
• being able to communicate with nearly everyone I meet
• the many extended family get-togethers the Myers family has
• holding my best friends' babies as we talk about life
• giving and receiving hugs from the people I love
• understanding everything my students say to me 
• watching funny TV shows with my friends

Don't get me wrong, I want to return to Haiti. I'm looking forward to it. I know that God wants me to be in Haiti, and I'm excited to get back there. It's just not as easy to say goodbye to life here as I wish it was. 

Where my heart is...

On Sunday I was able to be at my home church again. I don't think I'd been there in about 5 weeks. Two boys from the youth group actually sought me out to say they were happy I wasn't back in Haiti yet. They thought for sure that I had gone back without saying goodbye. Aren't they sweet?

I have really enjoyed traveling to other churches and sharing about what God is doing through Mountain Top Ministries in Haiti, but it was really refreshing to be with my church family again. I think I'll be able to worship with them for the next four Sundays. Then it will be time for me to return to Haiti and worship with my friends in Gramothe. Only four more Sundays in the States. That's both exciting and heart wrenching. Why can't Northern Indiana and Haiti be only 20 or 50 or even 100 miles apart? That would make my life much easier.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited to be going back. YES!! I'm thrilled that I will be with Arold in just 25 days. I can't wait to see my students and talk about school, their families, and what's happening in their lives. Being involved in the life changing ministry of MTM, through the clinic and the school and church, is something I love about being in Haiti.

But in some ways the next 25 days in the U.S. are the hardest because the excitement about going back is tempered with heart ache over leaving. My entire family lives here. They celebrate birthdays and holidays together. They hang out and eat at each others' houses. They get to do life together, and I'm in a different country getting glimpses of it through Facebook and e-mail. Two of my best friends just had babies. I can't cuddle with them from Haiti. I can't just stop by and get my baby fix. I won't be around as they grow and change. I can't celebrate milestones in their lives, and I likely won't even know when some of those milestones happen. Living in Haiti doesn't allow me to be intimately involved in my loved one's lives.

I fully recognize that this is the choice I've made, and I am confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wants me in Haiti. I have the peace that only God can give about moving to a country plagued by poverty, civil unrest, and diseases like cholera. I know that once I'm in Haiti again I will be excited to be there, but saying goodbye (even when it's just for a few months--I will be back in June) is hard and I wish I didn't have to do it. I hate thinking "Is this the last time I'm going to see this person before I go?" because it makes me want to cry every. single. time.

Maybe I'm a little hormonal today and my emotions are getting the best of me.

Or maybe life is messy and saying goodbye to the people you love is always hard, no matter how confident you are that where you're going is where God wants you.

Dream

Josalyn is a young twenty-something employee of Mountain Top Ministries. She's super sweet and always tries to talk to me. I appreciate the attempts even when I can't understand them. The key with Josalyn is that she truly wants me to understand her. She talks slowly and simply. And she laughs with me when I don't understand. I like her. She worked for MTM at Laboule Children's Home, but I learned recently that she is working in the cafeteria in Gramothe now.

Last night I had a dream that I was at school in Gramothe. I went to the cafeteria to say hi to the ladies. I kissed Josalyn on the cheek (as is the custom) and greeted her in Creole, but she started talking to me in English! I was so surprised, and I wondered why she had never talked to me in English before. But I didn't dwell on it in my dream because in that moment Josalyn became my best friend. I don't know how to explain it. It's just one of those weird dream world truths. You just know something, and in my dream I knew that Josalyn was my best friend.

This morning I have been practicing how to tell all of this to Josalyn in Creole. I want to tell her that I had a dream she could speak English. She'll like that a lot. I hope some day Josalyn and I can have heart to heart talks in Creole and be good friends. And I'd like to tell her about my heart dream of being good friends with her, but I think I'll just let God take care of that.

Patience & Faithfulness

My one word theme for the year 2011 is "patience." How fitting. Everything about my life has required patience this year. And here's the gut level honest truth: it sucks.

I have never had patience. People used to tell me "Patience is a virtue." I would instantly complete the sentence with, "I don't have." Unfortunately patience one of those skills you have to practice in order to get better at it, and my version of practicing doesn't generally end well. Most of the time this "practice" ends in prayers that go a little something like this, "Jesus, I need patience--NOW!"

In order to really get a handle on patience, I wrote several definitions of patience in my journal at the beginning of the year. They included the following:

• the quality of bearing provocation, annoyance, hardship, misfortune or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like
• an ability to suppress restlessness and annoyance when confronted with delay
• quietly and steadily persevering

I think the one that has stuck with me the most is the second one. Sometimes when I'm in the store and I have to wait in line for *gasp* 10 minutes (generally less) to check out, I ask myself if I am suppressing my annoyance. I think what I like most about that definition is that I can still feel annoyed I just have to keep it from leaking out of me in visible ways. I tell myself that's the first step in mastering this thing called patience. I figure after I can keep my annoyance inside maybe I can start decreasing the amount of annoyance I feel until one day I just don't get annoyed at all.

In the midst of learning to be patient, I've realized that this time is about more than just developing a useful skill. Forcing myself to wait, to be patient, has opened my eyes to the faithfulness of God. When I'm busy checking items off a list or making myself crazy trying to plan all the details of my life (specifically the ones I don't have any control of anyway), I don't have time to see that God's got it in control, that he's faithful to do what he's promised. But when I step back and wait on the Lord--when I suppress my annoyance I'm able to see past myself and into the depths of Almighty God's faithfulness.

In no particular order...

I miss Haiti.

I miss Arold.

I miss walking up the mountain to school.

I miss Haitian bread.

I miss walking down the mountain with my students.

I miss hugs from Nerlande.

I miss singing Creole songs at church.

I miss students in uniforms.

I miss seeing cute babies in the clinic.

I miss talks with Beth on our way to the city.

I miss hearing people speak in Creole.

I miss rice and beans.

I miss Haiti.

"Tale"

In Haiti I would hear people use the word tale (tah-lay) fairly frequently. It took me a long time to figure out what it meant. Rosias and Monley, my 7th grade friends, tried to explain it to me several times. Eventually I understood it to mean "wait." During class my students would call me over to help them. When I was helping someone else I would say tale, tale to them to indicate that I was not ready to move on yet. That was acceptable, and they understood what I meant. But tale doesn't mean wait. It means soon.

There's a medical team working at the MTM clinic this week. It's the second team of the season, but it's the first team that includes people I already know. Some of them have posted pictures of that beloved place on Facebook. My heart cried tale, tale tonight as I looked at pictures of the clinic and school kids in Gramothe. I want desperately to be back in Haiti. I enjoy being in the States, but I long to be there where God has called me, to be with the students who have carved out such a special place in my heart, to be the hands and feet of Christ to a people who need Him. 

I would like to return to Haiti on November 28th at the very latest. The only thing preventing me from jumping on a plane right now is that my ministry is not yet fully funded. To live and serve in Haiti I need $2500 of support each month. Some very awesome people have already committed to giving 56% of that each month. Would you consider partnering with me financially, so I can return to empowering the youth of Haiti? 

Just one gift of $50 each month would bump me to 58% funded. Giving $100 each month would take me up to 60%. Being fully funded would only take 22 families or individuals each giving $50 per month. Please consider supporting this strategic ministry to defeat generational poverty through education.

Tax deductible donations can be made to Mountain Top Ministries either on their website or by sending a check to MTM, PO Box 7053, Terre Haute, IN 47802.  To set up an electronic funds transfer/recurring monthly automatic donations, call Deb in the MTM office at 812-870-5101.

What no one tells you about living in another country

I try to keep things light and cheery over here on my slice of the internet, but I opted to share these particular thoughts because I think I think they provide more of a full picture. I am not unhappy in Haiti. I do not desire to move back to the United States. I just need to share some things that don't often get said.

• Living in another culture is hard. All the things you rarely think about in your own culture--greeting people, acceptable attire for public, knowing who to tip, smiling for pictures--suddenly require conscious thought. You have to remember new customs, force yourself through the uncomfortableness, and evaluate personal behaviors and habits that may need to change in order to fit into the new culture. There are constant reminders that you are an outsider. Eventually the novelty and excitement of being in a foreign country wear off. 

• If you don't speak the language of the people, there will be times you will feel inadequate, overly dependent on others, extremely frustrated, and sometimes ridiculous. You may decide to go without something rather than deal with the hassle it takes to communicate what you want. Sometimes it's just easier that way. There will even be nights you cry yourself to sleep because of the language barrier.

• Once you've called more than one place "home," your heart will never be completely happy in either. When you're in one place, you miss the other. You feel guilty for not being full hhere, for longing for the other place. People in both locations question your desire to live in or visit the other place.

Journey

Almost everyone who come through the MTM guesthouse asks me the same series of questions. Sometimes the questions sounds a little different, but most of the time it goes like this:

1. So, uh, what do you do here?
2. How long have you been in Haiti?
3. How long are you staying?

I really don't mind answering these questions because it gives me an opportunity to share the story the incredible journey God has put me on. Plus, if you know me in real life you know how much I like to talk! Occasionally when there's a big group here, I wish I could tell them all at the same time instead of answering the same questions two or three times in one day. But most of the time I'm more than willing to share about why I'm in Haiti and what I do here because the focus of the story is not me but God.

A little over a year ago I was merely planning to spend spring break in Haiti. I was excited to serve God by serving others through a medical clinic. I had no idea that going to Haiti for my spring break would lead to teaching English in a rural mountain school for ten months. I told God a long time ago that I would follow him wherever he would lead me, but I didn't really think he had this in mind! It wasn't easy to follow him to a third world country with hurricanes and tropical diseases and inconsistent electricity.

It took all the courage I had to follow God to Haiti, plus a great deal of affirmation and peace from the Holy Spirit! I stepped out in faith taking a year's leave of absence, i.e. no paycheck for an entire year, from my teaching position before I had any financial support. I was really nervous about leaving a paid position to live off the generosity of others. Okay, that's an understatement. I was terrified! It felt like my step of faith was similar to those cartoon characters who step off a cliff before they realize the solid ground ran out. I took a leave of absence hoping God would put something solid under my foot where there only appeared to be thin air.

And you know what? God didn't let me fall off that cliff. He put something solid under my foot in the form of adequate financial support. He's also continued to make a way for me stay in Haiti. He provided renters for my house (the lease was signed this week!) and gave my dog an awesome new family. He gives me new ministry partners that come from unexpected places. There's this awesome apartment I rent for an incredible price--especially considering the current housing market here. I understand more Creole every day, and I'm learning to communicate in this foreign language. I have friends, a mentor, and to top it all off my life mate.

The Lord has provided for all of my needs--physical, emotional, and spiritual. He orchestrated all the events to get me here, so he gets all the glory. This is one incredible journey, and I'm just along for the ride.

Brave I Am Not

Often when people hear that I left my job, my family, my entire life to move to Haiti they say things that make me uncomfortable. They say, "Wow! You're so brave." And when you only know that I moved to a third world country where there are hurricanes and earthquakes you might be inclined to think the same thing. But the truth is I'm not brave. Not at all.

The truth is I don't go anywhere by myself. Part of that is the fact that I don't have a vehicle to drive. The other part, which is much bigger because let's face it I would have found a way to get a car if I really wanted one, is comprised of what if questions. What if someone asks a question I don't understand? What if they ask a question I understand but I can't give them an answer that makes sense? What if I get lost? What if I get hurt and need some medical attention?

I also don't try new things without a thorough explanation from someone that can be trusted. I don't take risks, and I don't generally like to be in situations that make my adrenaline flow.* To be honest, my heart does a lot of panicking in those moments when other people are brave. Sometimes my fear (mostly of looking dumb) keeps me from experiencing some pretty awesome things. You might be wondering how I live here if I'm such an un-brave person.

The reality is there are a lot of times I'm uncomfortable here. But its the good kind of uncomfortable, the kind that stretches my faith, challenges my insecurities, and grows my character. It's only by the grace of God, and I do not say that lightly, that I have adapted and adjusted to life in Haiti. Please, please don't tell me how brave I am. Instead recognize that God is incredible and amazing, and it's because of HIM that I am where I am.

*Disclaimer: Not being brave is not new to living in Haiti. I have never liked taking risks, situations that make my adrenaline flow, or trying new things without a thorough explanation. 

Thoughts on Staying in Haiti, Part 1

I’m not sure I can coherently and succinctly share about why I’m staying in Haiti. It really doesn’t make sense from a practical, logical viewpoint, but I think that’s part of the mysterious ways of God Almighty. He has this habit of doing things that aren't logical: he makes beauty from ashes, he uses the weak to lead the strong, he says the first will be last and the last will be first.

First there are all the reasons I shouldn’t stay in Haiti. There are a lot of them.

• I can’t speak the language. Just this week I told someone I don’t have anything when I meant to say I don’t want anything. While only one word is different, they have very different meanings!  
• My family, who I love very much, lives very far away from Haiti.
• I’m currently too much of a scared-y cat to go to the market near my house by myself. For an entire week I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask one of my students to accompany me into the market as we walk home. Apparently I’m not desperate enough for vegetables yet.
• I have a mortgage on a house in Indiana.
• Things like electricity and running water are luxuries here. Read a few of my older posts about electricity if you haven’t already.
• There’s a job (with a very healthy salary--and benefits) waiting for me in a school district I have loved working in for the past 6 years.
• My church family at St. Mark Missionary Church is reason enough to never leave Mishawaka, IN!

That’s not an exhaustive list, but I think you get the point. It makes sense to return to Indiana. But following God rarely makes sense. Abraham sacrificing Isaac, Joshua walking circles around Jericho, David battling Goliath, Jesus calling common fishermen to be his disciples and hanging out with sinners. Where in the Bible do we see God making sense?

Even with that lengthy list of logical reasons to return to Indiana, I know that this is where I belong. I have such a strong sense of belonging at Mountain Top Ministries. It’s like I was made for this specific job! (Ephesians 2:10 and Psalm 139:16 have a little something to say about that.) My personality and talents are an exact fit with the other staff of MTM. More than that though, I have an overwhelming sense of peace about defying all logic to stay in Haiti.

A Little Taste of Home

I really like being in Haiti, but I miss a lot of things about the United States. Recently the arrival of some small treasures brought joy to my heart.

 

 First there were the FOUR bags (two of which are Costco sized and were shared immediately) of Dove chocolates that some lovely friends brought me.

 Then there was the arrival of my treasured hymnal. I wanted to bring it with me after Christmas, but my suitcases were too heavy. My parents brought it too me a week ago, so I spent one night this week singing all my favorite songs.

The best treasure of all was this note my mom left me on my refrigerator when she and my dad left.

What a week!

The past week has been a bit of a whirlwind. I arrived in Haiti late on January 5th. I attended a funeral the following morning, and then got to know the team a little bit that afternoon. January 7th and 8th I helped at the clinic. I spent those two days working in the dossier room with Arold and Nalouse, who pull or create the paperwork for all the patients who come to the clinic. Sunday I went to church (an amazing choir from another came to visit) and then went on a tour of Gramothe with the medical team.

Then on Monday school started again. I was so excited to see my students! However, before class I was the "translator" for the fluoride treatments being given to all the students. I went to each classroom, briefly explained what was going to happen, and then helped the team members who were applying the fluoride treatments. I was REALLY nervous about being the translator, but I was able to write something out ahead of time and have it checked by my Creole tutor. He made me read it to him a couple of times before I went to the classrooms, but then I was on my own. I think the students were impressed with my Creole. Two teachers told me I did a good job, and I thought the 7th grade class was going to clap for me!

My classes this week went really well. I had forgotten how little English the 8th grade students know. That had the potential to be a rough class, but they did a great job. I think it also helped that most of my classes were significantly smaller than normal.

Wednesday was a day of mourning for Haiti. Schools and businesses were closed. There were very few people on the streets in my neighborhood. However, most churches had special services to commemorate the one year anniversary of the earthquake. I was disappointed to find very few articles online about Haiti and the anniversary of the earthquake. What I did find didn't really say much. It's frustrating to talk about reconstruction and rebuilding of lives. On one hand there are still piles and piles of rubble that haven't been touched. There are thousands of people still living in tents. But there are also stories of hope and redemption to be heard. There are people who are changing lives and sharing the love of Jesus with others, but their stories are rarely told. Instead the media focuses on the rubble, the tents, cholera, and the election riots.

I spent most of Wednesday hanging out with Arold. In the evening I went to the guest house to spend time with the medical team. They had their debriefing meeting, and they let me sit in on it. I enjoyed hearing what they had to say about the week they spent in the clinic. About 10 of them were here last year during the earthquake, so it was interesting to hear what they had to say about being here a year later.

Thursday was my first "normal" day in Haiti since I've been back. I said goodbye to the team in the morning, and then walked up the mountain to school. It felt so good (and a little like torture) to walk up the mountain again. It had been at least three weeks since I'd made the walk up. I taught my high school class, and then canceled my after school class with the kids from Laboule because my head was pounding. Instead I walked home with them and then spent the evening relaxing.

Today I spent the whole day at the guest house. First I worked on lesson plans for my classes for the next couple of weeks. Then I created a Word document for something Willem wants to do. I also attempted to hook up a new printer, but I failed at that task. We didn't have all the cables we needed, so I couldn't get it to work.

It's been good to be back in Haiti. I really enjoyed being in the States with my family and friends over the holidays, but I'm thankful I'm in Haiti again. I feel like I was made for this specific job. I don't know how my skills and talents could be used any better than they right now. This is where I belong.