Brave I Am Not

Often when people hear that I left my job, my family, my entire life to move to Haiti they say things that make me uncomfortable. They say, "Wow! You're so brave." And when you only know that I moved to a third world country where there are hurricanes and earthquakes you might be inclined to think the same thing. But the truth is I'm not brave. Not at all.

The truth is I don't go anywhere by myself. Part of that is the fact that I don't have a vehicle to drive. The other part, which is much bigger because let's face it I would have found a way to get a car if I really wanted one, is comprised of what if questions. What if someone asks a question I don't understand? What if they ask a question I understand but I can't give them an answer that makes sense? What if I get lost? What if I get hurt and need some medical attention?

I also don't try new things without a thorough explanation from someone that can be trusted. I don't take risks, and I don't generally like to be in situations that make my adrenaline flow.* To be honest, my heart does a lot of panicking in those moments when other people are brave. Sometimes my fear (mostly of looking dumb) keeps me from experiencing some pretty awesome things. You might be wondering how I live here if I'm such an un-brave person.

The reality is there are a lot of times I'm uncomfortable here. But its the good kind of uncomfortable, the kind that stretches my faith, challenges my insecurities, and grows my character. It's only by the grace of God, and I do not say that lightly, that I have adapted and adjusted to life in Haiti. Please, please don't tell me how brave I am. Instead recognize that God is incredible and amazing, and it's because of HIM that I am where I am.

*Disclaimer: Not being brave is not new to living in Haiti. I have never liked taking risks, situations that make my adrenaline flow, or trying new things without a thorough explanation.