confessions of a maladjusted former missionary

It's been a while since I've written anything here. Mostly that's because I have a hard time keeping up with being a mom, a wife, and a full-time public school teacher. But, another major factor in neglecting writing is that I've had a hard time adjusting to life in the States. For most of the past 8 months, and probably longer than that, I've been cocooning myself from the world. I suppose my philosophy was that if I drew into myself and ignored the world, I could avoid some of the pain of leaving Haiti. I've become a master at avoiding interactions with people that might lead to meaningful conversations. The only thing cocooning myself did, though, was isolate me during a time when I desperately needed to be surrounded by people who love and support me. Change is hard no matter what, but this particular change was extreme. We left our jobs, our first home as a married couple, Arold's family, our friends and coworkers, our church, the ministry to Haitian students we loved so much... Everything about our lives changed in one fell swoop.

Logically, I know we made the decision to follow God's leading and move the United States. Irrationally, I felt like God did this to (instead of for or with) us. In the beginning I was hurt and angry, feeling like God had sent us to the US and forgotten about us. When I'm being reasonable, I can see that God is still using us--maybe not in the way we'd like, but working through us nonetheless--and that he has a purpose for our time here. Arold is taking Bible classes, we are learning about various models of ministry, and we are working on becoming financially independent. Knowing that our time here is preparing us for future ministry is the balm to my hurting heart.

Living in the States has been good. We stayed with my parents for the first seven months before moving into an apartment of our own. They adored having Isaac there every day to tickle and cuddle and keep out of the dog food. It was a true blessing to live with them while we transitioned to life here. We enjoy the stability and conveniences of living in a developed nation. And, I personally am thankful for hot showers every single day.

But as good as it is to have access to the conveniences of the modern world at my fingertips, I'm still learning to reconcile the desires of my heart with the reality of today.

si bondye vle

**I wrote this post several weeks before we left Haiti, so it's probably a month old at this point. So if you get the impression I'm currently in Haiti as you read it, that's why. We are still in the US and will be for a while.

Si Bondye vle is a phrase that is heard often in Haiti. It means If God wills, but the literal translation is if God wants. I remember talking to my small group about using the phrase "If the Lord wills it" at one point several years ago. We agreed that we should recognize that our plans can be changed by God at any moment, but we also felt that using the phrase Lord willing all the time seemed a bit, um, well, over the top.

Living in Haiti has given me a different perspective though. It seems that what we plan rarely happens. Unexpected events occur so frequently that the phrase si bondye vle isn't over the top at all. It's reality.

When our nanny/housekeeper leaves for the day and I say "see you tomorrow" she responds with a cheerful "si bondye vle." She knows that any number of events could happen to prevent her from coming.

When my students ask me when we will visit Haiti or when we return to live here again, I can give them my hopeful timeline but I have to include an emphatic si bondy vle. Because, really that is the only way we'll be back in Haiti within a few years.

In the U.S. it's easy to live as if I have control over my life, but living in Haiti requires me to recognize that I am not in control.

Change is hard

I wanted to keep things lighthearted on my blog for our last few weeks with MTM, sharing pictures and fun stories from students, but my heart is heavy today and I just can't do it. Change has never been easy for me. As an adult it's a little easier because I've seen how God has walked with me through big changes in the past, but I still don't like it.

Yesterday was the 4 week mark. We have four short weeks to say goodbye to the people we love and pack up our lives here. I don't know which of those things I like less--the packing or saying goodbye. We want to finish well, but I think both of us would like to ignore the suitcases that taunt us from their place in the corner and pretend our lives are not about to turn upside down.

Please pray for us over the next few weeks. Pray that we'll say proper goodbyes and find closure as we prepare to leave our home and Arold's family. Pray that Arold and I will draw closer during this time, that God would strengthen our marriage as we face this challenging and stressful transition. We are confident God is moving us to the States, but that does not exempt us from the culture shock that is sure to rock our little family. Pray also that God would provide jobs for both of us.

Official Bittersweet Announcement

I'd like to skip this post all together in order to ignore reality, but I know I can't do that. *sigh* Here's goes.

We’re thankful for the ministry God has given us with Mountain Top Ministries. Arold has been at the school since 2007 and I've been here since 2010. We have invested in our students through English and computer classes, crochet lessons, summer VBS, and countless hours in the school yard building relationships. Nearly 20 of these young people have been baptized in the last two years. Arold has taught Sunday school classes, played on the worship team, and most recently started a gospel choir with the youth. We have both been privileged to play a part in providing life changing medical care to more than 7,000 patients through the clinic in the last two years alone. There are a lot of good things happening through the school, medical clinic, and church in Gramothe.

While we have been blessed to be a part of the ministry here, we recognize that our time with MTM has come to a close. After a lot of prayer and many sleepless nights, Arold and I have made the difficult decision to move our family to the U.S. for the next chapter of our lives. We are still passionate about empowering Haiti’s youth through education, and we hold a special place for Haitian kids in our hearts. We look forward to the day that God will move us back to Haiti. But for now, we’re preparing for an international move during the first week of June.

So, the bitter part is that we are leaving our students, our church, our first home, and Arold's family. It's definitely not going to be easy. The sweetness that helps us deal with all this bitter is that we'll be close to my family, have constant electricity, and be able to enjoy all of the conveniences that life in the US has to offer. 

Pray for us, will you?

P.S. Nothing is wrong. Yes, it is very fast timing, and we are as surprised as you are that we're moving to the States. We are confident this is where God is leading us for this phase of our lives, so as hard as it is to leave Haiti we need to be obedient to Him.

"the life you give"

I caught myself praying a very Haitian prayer the other day. (Not a bad thing.) I think I was praying before our meal, but it really doesn't matter if it was mealtime or bedtime or just anytime. While I was praying I heard myself say, "thank you for the life you've given us." It's an English variation of the Creole prayer merci pou lavi ou bay, which translated simply says thank you for the life you give.

I often hear Haitians say this phrase while praying. It's used during church prayers, mealtime prayers, and prayers said at school and other events. I used to think of it as a nice general prayer. You know a good ole, Thanks God for my life. But ever since I heard myself pray that way I've been thinking about what it means.

I used to have a different life. A very different life. I taught 8th grade reading at a school I loved. I was part of a teaching team that worked together and supported each other. My students and I spoke the same language. I was deeply invested in my students and knew many details about their families and home lives. I also was very involved in the youth group at my church. I walked along side those teens as they figured out what it meant to follow Christ--and thoroughly enjoyed being with them. My family and friends were close by and I connected with them frequently. I was gainfully employed (something I really miss). In my old life if I wanted something, I bought it. I enjoyed the stability and predictability of my life, as well as constant electricity and warm running water. Shopping, restaurants, gas stations, nearly every store or business I needed were mere minutes away. I was independent and self-sufficient. My life was full and more importantly fulfilling. It was a good life.

Just two years later, my life is a bit different. I'm a foreigner in a strange land. I teach in a school where I can't communicate with most of the staff or students. I can't be deeply invested in my students' lives because we don't understand each other. I attend church, but I'm not a vital (or even non-vital) part of ministry there. I talk to my family and friends via Skype now--when it's working. I live in a developing nation where important paperwork is completed by hand. Corruption plagues the government. Riots are commonplace (though we haven't actually had any for quite some time). I am now dependent on the generosity of others to be paid each month. If we need to buy something, we have to budget for it. I get charged more at the farmer's market because of my white skin; beggars are especially persistent with me for the same reason.  Electricity is not guaranteed. I need help ordering at restaurants and sometimes checking out at the grocery store. I can't remember the last time I went anywhere on my own. The convenience of life is gone. But this life, this inconvenient and sometimes frustrating life, is still good... and fulfilling.

I'm thankful for this life God has given me. I have an amazing husband (cheesy, but true) who loves me and takes care of me. Arold and I are part of a ministry that is literally changing lives. Even with my limited Creole, God uses me to impact the lives of young Haitians. I am blessed with fellowship and encouragement by the myriad of people who come through the guest house to serve with MTM. Learning to budget has been a good skill to add to my toolbelt, and learning to live without the things I think I "need" has been a good exercise in what Haitians call degaje, making do with what you have. It also causes me to come face to face with my own selfishness and sense of entitlement. (while not fun, it's good for me, right?)

I never could have imagined living this life, but it's the one God has give me and I truly am thankful for it.

Answers to Prayers

I've been praying a lot that God would provide renters for my house in Mishawaka. Several people have told me that they forwarded my contact information, and that is encouraging. I hadn't heard much lately and was praying about it quite a bit yesterday. And then last night and this morning I found two e-mails in my inbox about families wanting to look at the house!

There are two families who are interested in seeing the house in the next week or so, and one that seems really, really interested in renting from us. I'm praying that one of these families will be the next renters. But if they aren't, I know God is going to answer our prayers and provide renters one way or another.

Please keep praying with us.

Ministry Partners

Arold and I enjoy working for Mountain Top Ministries. We get to help people at the medical clinic, disciple new believers through a Sunday school class, and help with a variety of projects. But what we really love is building relationships with the students and investing in their lives. HOWEVER, we could not be the hands and feet of Jesus in Gramothe without our many ministry partners. We may be the "go-ers," but it takes senders and intercessors to make a successful ministry.

We are blessed to have so many intercessors. I've tried to count them, but it's impossible to know for certain. I can tell you that I send our prayer updates to 111 e-mail addresses. If only half of those people are faithfully praying for us, that still makes 55 prayer partners. We depend on these partners to pray for our ministry, our students, and for us. Prayer is a powerful and effective tool, and we need others to join with us as we serve here. We can't do it alone!

In addition to intercessors, we need people who are willing to send us to the mission field. It would be impossible for us to minister in Gramothe without financial support from others. We'd have to find "real jobs" to support ourselves and that would leave little, if any, time for our students in Gramothe. We are blessed to have 11 very faithful families/individuals who serve as our senders. They partner with us each month for about 54% of our support. Then there are two churches who give about 14% of our monthly support--putting us at 68% funded each month. To date the rest of our financial support has come from one-time donations from a variety of individuals and organizations.

We use the word "partner" to describe those who support us with prayers and finances because they are very much a part of our ministry. They may not be in Haiti working at the school, but they are vital to what God is doing here. Arold and I are the ones who are physically present, but these senders and intercessors are just as much a part of empowering Haitian youth to live their lives for Christ.

If you're not currently a part of our ministry team, we'd love to have you join our team! To receive our prayer updates, e-mail me at britneyLsmith (at) gmail (dot) com letting me know. If you want to partner with us financially, you can set up automatic monthly donations on the Mountain Top Ministries website. Or you can give a one-time gift on the MTM website by clicking on "Donate Online." (It's under the Get Involved title on the right.)

Coming in Sept 2012

We have a little surprise we'd like to share with you.

A new ministry partner will be joining us in late September.

He or she will be living in our apartment, so we'll need to spend the summer months preparing the house.

We're pretty excited about this new adventure because it means...


...


...


...

We're going to be parents!!!!

Word of the Year, 2012: Faithful

In college, I formed the habit of choosing one scripture verse to be my theme for the year. I memorized the verse or group of verses, prayed it over my life, and tried to apply it to all the situations I found myself in throughout the year. It was a really good habit and caused growth in my spiritual life.

In 2009, I mixed things up and chose a one word theme for the year. In 2009 I focused on humility, in 2010 wisdom, and 2011 was patience. I don't feel like I've had an "easy" year in the mix at all. I mean, if God wanted me to focus on LOVE, I feel like that would be easy. But since the point is spiritual growth and not comfort, I guess being uncomfortable indicates it's working.

The end of 2011 was a bit... full. I prayed about a theme for the year, but I didn't really sit and listen to God much. I was kind of busy with my wedding and being a newlywed. It wasn't until a week or so ago, that I really felt peace about a theme for the year. I tossed around perseverance,  peace, and other fruits of the Spirit. But ultimately I felt like God was giving me the word faithful.

So this year of 2012 (Is it weird that I always say it in Creole when I type or write it?) will be a year of pondering what it means to be faithful and looking for evidence in my life that God is faithful. I don't think it's going to take much work to recognize God's faithfulness, but learning to be more full of faith could make life pretty interesting.

Anybody else up for choosing a one word theme for the year? If so, leave me a comment with your word.

Three weeks to go

There are only three weeks until I leave for Haiti. Please pray...

• for quality time with my family in the next 3 weeks
• for a smooth transition for the teacher taking over my position in Mishawaka
• that I will not distance myself emotionally from my family and friends as a defense mechanism
• that God will prepare me for the changes I will encounter once I get to Haiti (some staff and ministry changes have occurred in the 5 months I've been away)
• for my loved ones to experience the peace and joy only God can give as we say goodbye for now
• that the Lord will be glorified in everything

Where my heart is...

On Sunday I was able to be at my home church again. I don't think I'd been there in about 5 weeks. Two boys from the youth group actually sought me out to say they were happy I wasn't back in Haiti yet. They thought for sure that I had gone back without saying goodbye. Aren't they sweet?

I have really enjoyed traveling to other churches and sharing about what God is doing through Mountain Top Ministries in Haiti, but it was really refreshing to be with my church family again. I think I'll be able to worship with them for the next four Sundays. Then it will be time for me to return to Haiti and worship with my friends in Gramothe. Only four more Sundays in the States. That's both exciting and heart wrenching. Why can't Northern Indiana and Haiti be only 20 or 50 or even 100 miles apart? That would make my life much easier.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited to be going back. YES!! I'm thrilled that I will be with Arold in just 25 days. I can't wait to see my students and talk about school, their families, and what's happening in their lives. Being involved in the life changing ministry of MTM, through the clinic and the school and church, is something I love about being in Haiti.

But in some ways the next 25 days in the U.S. are the hardest because the excitement about going back is tempered with heart ache over leaving. My entire family lives here. They celebrate birthdays and holidays together. They hang out and eat at each others' houses. They get to do life together, and I'm in a different country getting glimpses of it through Facebook and e-mail. Two of my best friends just had babies. I can't cuddle with them from Haiti. I can't just stop by and get my baby fix. I won't be around as they grow and change. I can't celebrate milestones in their lives, and I likely won't even know when some of those milestones happen. Living in Haiti doesn't allow me to be intimately involved in my loved one's lives.

I fully recognize that this is the choice I've made, and I am confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wants me in Haiti. I have the peace that only God can give about moving to a country plagued by poverty, civil unrest, and diseases like cholera. I know that once I'm in Haiti again I will be excited to be there, but saying goodbye (even when it's just for a few months--I will be back in June) is hard and I wish I didn't have to do it. I hate thinking "Is this the last time I'm going to see this person before I go?" because it makes me want to cry every. single. time.

Maybe I'm a little hormonal today and my emotions are getting the best of me.

Or maybe life is messy and saying goodbye to the people you love is always hard, no matter how confident you are that where you're going is where God wants you.

Favorite Words of the Day

I don't think I really explained this very well, but I've been teaching 8th grade reading at my old district in Indiana since the middle of August. I didn't know how long I was going to be in the States, but I didn't want to be idle for months on end. Plus, my bank account needed a boost. I talked to my district about a semester contract. They didn't want to do that. Instead the HR director suggested I start the year like normal and then resign when it was time to go back to Haiti. I was shocked. Could it really be that easy?

Well, that's what I did. My principal and the central office of my district knew when I started that I would not be here for the second semester, and they all assured me that would be fine. They just asked that I put in my letter of resignation indicating my last day as soon as possible. They wanted the letter so they could post my position and hire my replacement. Everyone assumed I would finish out the first semester, but I couldn't wait until the end of the semester to go back to Haiti. After much prayer and conversation with Arold, I said my last day would be Nov. 23rd, which is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I was pretty nervous about how that early leave date would go over with my principal and the district.

I'm happy to report that God has been orchestrating all of this. Today my principal said he thinks he's hired my replacement, and the Human Resources Director recently told me, "You're not burning any bridges or closing any doors here." He made a point of saying that if I move back to Mishawaka, I should tell them first and they'll see if they can find a job for me.

Such a sweet blessing.

Something Only God Could Do

In the middle of my hometown there's a church that's been around for nearly 200 years. For most of my growing up years Fremont United Methodist Church was "home." If it takes a village to raise a child, then the people at FUMC were definitely the village that helped raise me. I remember singing songs during Sunday school time, having awesome VBS weeks, and drawing pictures of the choir during church. I also remember when the stained glass windows were donated to the church, and how exciting it was to be a part of the service when I was an accolade or the Scripture reader. But I also remember how specific people invested in my life and taught me to live God's way. Most importantly I remember the confirmation class at FUMC and how it was that class that caused me to surrender my life to Christ. I have so many good memories from FUMC, and recently I got to add one more.

On Sunday September 25th I was able to return to FUMC (after nearly 15 years) and share with the Sunday school classes about my year in Haiti. I showed a video from MTM, talked about life in Haiti, and answered questions. Then the pastor allowed me to use his entire sermon time to talk about how the Lord called me to Haiti and how he's been faithful to provide what I need to do his work there. After church I was able to talk to quite a few people.

It was such a blessing to see and talk to so many individuals who had such a great influence on my life. I was giddy with excitement looking out over the congregation from the pulpit. I am so blessed to have the people of Fremont United Methodist Church as partners in ministry. Who knew that the ministry of a small church in a small town could have such a global impact?

"Tale"

In Haiti I would hear people use the word tale (tah-lay) fairly frequently. It took me a long time to figure out what it meant. Rosias and Monley, my 7th grade friends, tried to explain it to me several times. Eventually I understood it to mean "wait." During class my students would call me over to help them. When I was helping someone else I would say tale, tale to them to indicate that I was not ready to move on yet. That was acceptable, and they understood what I meant. But tale doesn't mean wait. It means soon.

There's a medical team working at the MTM clinic this week. It's the second team of the season, but it's the first team that includes people I already know. Some of them have posted pictures of that beloved place on Facebook. My heart cried tale, tale tonight as I looked at pictures of the clinic and school kids in Gramothe. I want desperately to be back in Haiti. I enjoy being in the States, but I long to be there where God has called me, to be with the students who have carved out such a special place in my heart, to be the hands and feet of Christ to a people who need Him. 

I would like to return to Haiti on November 28th at the very latest. The only thing preventing me from jumping on a plane right now is that my ministry is not yet fully funded. To live and serve in Haiti I need $2500 of support each month. Some very awesome people have already committed to giving 56% of that each month. Would you consider partnering with me financially, so I can return to empowering the youth of Haiti? 

Just one gift of $50 each month would bump me to 58% funded. Giving $100 each month would take me up to 60%. Being fully funded would only take 22 families or individuals each giving $50 per month. Please consider supporting this strategic ministry to defeat generational poverty through education.

Tax deductible donations can be made to Mountain Top Ministries either on their website or by sending a check to MTM, PO Box 7053, Terre Haute, IN 47802.  To set up an electronic funds transfer/recurring monthly automatic donations, call Deb in the MTM office at 812-870-5101.

Saturday morning thoughts

Yesterday I read a really good article about the orphan epidemic and the appropriate Christian response.  I agree 100% with the author. His main point was that Christians should stop talking so much and put actions to their words. If you're interested in reading the entire article, you can find it here.

One line in particular has stuck with me. I've been thinking about it all morning. 

When Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, and Peter responded yes, Jesus didn’t tell him to picket the wolves. He told Peter to feed and tend his sheep.

Personally, I find it's easier to picket the wolves, to stand on the edge and tell other people what they should be doing. Tending and feeding sheep is much messier. Sheep can be smelly. Some have special needs, and others will bite if you get too close. Still, Jesus said if loved him we would feed his sheep.


Are you feeding Jesus' sheep or picketing the wolves?

Journey

Almost everyone who come through the MTM guesthouse asks me the same series of questions. Sometimes the questions sounds a little different, but most of the time it goes like this:

1. So, uh, what do you do here?
2. How long have you been in Haiti?
3. How long are you staying?

I really don't mind answering these questions because it gives me an opportunity to share the story the incredible journey God has put me on. Plus, if you know me in real life you know how much I like to talk! Occasionally when there's a big group here, I wish I could tell them all at the same time instead of answering the same questions two or three times in one day. But most of the time I'm more than willing to share about why I'm in Haiti and what I do here because the focus of the story is not me but God.

A little over a year ago I was merely planning to spend spring break in Haiti. I was excited to serve God by serving others through a medical clinic. I had no idea that going to Haiti for my spring break would lead to teaching English in a rural mountain school for ten months. I told God a long time ago that I would follow him wherever he would lead me, but I didn't really think he had this in mind! It wasn't easy to follow him to a third world country with hurricanes and tropical diseases and inconsistent electricity.

It took all the courage I had to follow God to Haiti, plus a great deal of affirmation and peace from the Holy Spirit! I stepped out in faith taking a year's leave of absence, i.e. no paycheck for an entire year, from my teaching position before I had any financial support. I was really nervous about leaving a paid position to live off the generosity of others. Okay, that's an understatement. I was terrified! It felt like my step of faith was similar to those cartoon characters who step off a cliff before they realize the solid ground ran out. I took a leave of absence hoping God would put something solid under my foot where there only appeared to be thin air.

And you know what? God didn't let me fall off that cliff. He put something solid under my foot in the form of adequate financial support. He's also continued to make a way for me stay in Haiti. He provided renters for my house (the lease was signed this week!) and gave my dog an awesome new family. He gives me new ministry partners that come from unexpected places. There's this awesome apartment I rent for an incredible price--especially considering the current housing market here. I understand more Creole every day, and I'm learning to communicate in this foreign language. I have friends, a mentor, and to top it all off my life mate.

The Lord has provided for all of my needs--physical, emotional, and spiritual. He orchestrated all the events to get me here, so he gets all the glory. This is one incredible journey, and I'm just along for the ride.

Life Change

Have I mentioned that I'm getting married? 

Well, I am, and I'm SUPER excited about it!

Arold and I are planning a small wedding in Haiti on December 30th. We hope to have a reception in Indiana when we visit during the summer of 2012. 

Marrying Arold won't change my position with MTM or my plans to return to the States for a few month this summer and fall. What it does change is the fact that I now have a life long ministry partner.

And that, my friends, is life change worth celebrating!

Thoughts on Staying in Haiti, Part 2

I’ve already established that it makes sense for me to return to the States, so what compelling reasons do I have to stay in Haiti? First and foremost is the fact that God has called me here. It’s hard to explain exactly how that happened. I didn’t hear an audible voice say, “Britney, stay in Haiti.” (Unless you count Willem, who consistently told people I was staying for the rest of my life before I had been here even a month!) I didn’t just wake up one morning knowing God wanted me to stay here. It was a process.

First I saw how well my personality and skills fit in at Mountain Top Ministries. I’m convinced that I was made for this job. It’s the perfect blend of teaching, mentoring, and administrative tasks. I’m able to use all of my spiritual gifts, as well as my professional training and natural talents. There’s something genuinely fulfilling about being exactly where God designed me to be. However, I’m human. I still have days where I doubt that I’ll be able to do what God has laid before me. But when I’m not wallowing in self doubt, I can see that God has given me exactly what I need to do his work here within MTM’s ministry.

Then there were the precious kids from Laboule Children’s Home. Officially I’m teaching them English after school two days a week, but my role in their lives runs deeper than just English tutor. These kids don’t have parents, so they need consistent adults in their lives that are willing to take the time to teach them important life lessons. We work on manners, showing kindness to others, and taking care of the resources we have. The kids may not be biologically related, but they are a family. By the grace of God they’ve opened their arms and included me in that family.

There are also these high school students who crawled into my heart and carved out a special place for themselves. They each have a story, and I’m slowly learning those stories. Jephte and his siblings travel close to two hours every morning just to get to school. Richmond’s mother was a prostitute in the slums of Port au Prince before she died. Ferdillia, and many other students like her, eats her one meal of the day at school. Samuel is homeless and lives with various families as they allow him to. Jean Peter and Watson sleep on the kitchen floor along with their 3 other siblings. With each new story that I learn my heart is bound even more deeply to these people and this place.

And I wouldn’t be telling you the whole story if I didn’t mention Arold. He worked hard to convince me he was interested in more than friendship, and then he patiently pursued me while I took my sweet time surrendering my fears to God. He’s funny, confident, and gentle. He’s committed to Christ and faithfully serves the Lord. He encourages me with scripture, listens better than most people I know, and finds ways to help in whatever situation he finds himself in.

I believe God used all of these factors to show me that this is where I belong, but ultimately it was his abiding peace that convinced me. I miss people who are in the United States, and some days I even miss the conveniences that come with living in there. But, I don’t have a desire to return to the life I had there, nor do I feel a pull on my heart indicating there’s something to go back for. Even when I consider potentially being away from my family during holidays or big life events (living in Haiti doesn’t mean I have to miss all those, by the way) there’s no panic or urgency to return. It will be hard to be away from them, but I have peace that God will help us all through those times.

Thoughts on Staying in Haiti, Part 1

I’m not sure I can coherently and succinctly share about why I’m staying in Haiti. It really doesn’t make sense from a practical, logical viewpoint, but I think that’s part of the mysterious ways of God Almighty. He has this habit of doing things that aren't logical: he makes beauty from ashes, he uses the weak to lead the strong, he says the first will be last and the last will be first.

First there are all the reasons I shouldn’t stay in Haiti. There are a lot of them.

• I can’t speak the language. Just this week I told someone I don’t have anything when I meant to say I don’t want anything. While only one word is different, they have very different meanings!  
• My family, who I love very much, lives very far away from Haiti.
• I’m currently too much of a scared-y cat to go to the market near my house by myself. For an entire week I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask one of my students to accompany me into the market as we walk home. Apparently I’m not desperate enough for vegetables yet.
• I have a mortgage on a house in Indiana.
• Things like electricity and running water are luxuries here. Read a few of my older posts about electricity if you haven’t already.
• There’s a job (with a very healthy salary--and benefits) waiting for me in a school district I have loved working in for the past 6 years.
• My church family at St. Mark Missionary Church is reason enough to never leave Mishawaka, IN!

That’s not an exhaustive list, but I think you get the point. It makes sense to return to Indiana. But following God rarely makes sense. Abraham sacrificing Isaac, Joshua walking circles around Jericho, David battling Goliath, Jesus calling common fishermen to be his disciples and hanging out with sinners. Where in the Bible do we see God making sense?

Even with that lengthy list of logical reasons to return to Indiana, I know that this is where I belong. I have such a strong sense of belonging at Mountain Top Ministries. It’s like I was made for this specific job! (Ephesians 2:10 and Psalm 139:16 have a little something to say about that.) My personality and talents are an exact fit with the other staff of MTM. More than that though, I have an overwhelming sense of peace about defying all logic to stay in Haiti.

Reality

In April I committed to teaching English in Gramothe, Haiti, for the 2010-2011 school year. On September 9th I arrived in Haiti, and by the end of the first week I knew I didn't want to leave. There is, of course, a lot more to the story than that. I hope I'm able to get more of my thoughts on paper this week. But for now I just want to say this:

I am staying in Haiti! 

Officially, I have made a three year commitment to Mountain Top Ministries, but I think I'll be in Haiti a lot longer than that. If you have questions, feel free to leave a comment. I'll try hard to get the answers to you soon. :)