Journey

Almost everyone who come through the MTM guesthouse asks me the same series of questions. Sometimes the questions sounds a little different, but most of the time it goes like this:

1. So, uh, what do you do here?
2. How long have you been in Haiti?
3. How long are you staying?

I really don't mind answering these questions because it gives me an opportunity to share the story the incredible journey God has put me on. Plus, if you know me in real life you know how much I like to talk! Occasionally when there's a big group here, I wish I could tell them all at the same time instead of answering the same questions two or three times in one day. But most of the time I'm more than willing to share about why I'm in Haiti and what I do here because the focus of the story is not me but God.

A little over a year ago I was merely planning to spend spring break in Haiti. I was excited to serve God by serving others through a medical clinic. I had no idea that going to Haiti for my spring break would lead to teaching English in a rural mountain school for ten months. I told God a long time ago that I would follow him wherever he would lead me, but I didn't really think he had this in mind! It wasn't easy to follow him to a third world country with hurricanes and tropical diseases and inconsistent electricity.

It took all the courage I had to follow God to Haiti, plus a great deal of affirmation and peace from the Holy Spirit! I stepped out in faith taking a year's leave of absence, i.e. no paycheck for an entire year, from my teaching position before I had any financial support. I was really nervous about leaving a paid position to live off the generosity of others. Okay, that's an understatement. I was terrified! It felt like my step of faith was similar to those cartoon characters who step off a cliff before they realize the solid ground ran out. I took a leave of absence hoping God would put something solid under my foot where there only appeared to be thin air.

And you know what? God didn't let me fall off that cliff. He put something solid under my foot in the form of adequate financial support. He's also continued to make a way for me stay in Haiti. He provided renters for my house (the lease was signed this week!) and gave my dog an awesome new family. He gives me new ministry partners that come from unexpected places. There's this awesome apartment I rent for an incredible price--especially considering the current housing market here. I understand more Creole every day, and I'm learning to communicate in this foreign language. I have friends, a mentor, and to top it all off my life mate.

The Lord has provided for all of my needs--physical, emotional, and spiritual. He orchestrated all the events to get me here, so he gets all the glory. This is one incredible journey, and I'm just along for the ride.

Only God Knows

Every team that comes in is curious about my role here at MTM. They want to know what I do and where I live. When they find out I’m teaching English, they want to know how I get to school each morning (I walk or catch a ride with the teams that are here), if I’m learning Creole (I have a really good tutor and many others willing to help me practice), and how teaching here is different than teaching in the States (that’s a whole other blog post!). Inevitably, they also ask me how long I’m staying in Haiti. If Willem is around he tells them I am going to marry a Haitian man and stay for the rest of my life! I just laugh and tell him that I’d like to meet the guy. My standard answer is that I have committed to being here until July, and only God knows what will happen after that.

But this question of how long I will stay weighs heavy on my mind. I love working with the kids from Laboule. I hate to think about what it will be like to say goodbye to them. I also really like my high school students. The boys that are my escort home from school have become some of my favorite people here. They asked me last week why I didn’t want to be their teacher again next year. It hurt my heart to hear their question and I wanted to promise that I would be here again next year!

But I can’t make my students any promises because my heart also hurts when I think about my family, friends, home church, and dog in the United States. I miss them! Facebook and Skype have provided avenues to connect, but they’re not the same as being there. I can’t make library runs with Jen or attend impromptu game nights at the Shipes’ apartment. I can’t go shopping with my mom or call my dad to fix something at my house.

I guess what it boils down to is this: Only God knows what the future holds. So instead of being distracted by questions of where I’ll be a year from now, I am choosing to rest in the knowledge that God will let me in on the plan when I need to know. Until then, I need to spend my energy on the here and now—loving and investing in the people God has put in my life.

Redemption

If there's a quality of God's character that I like most, it's probably the fact that he's unchanging. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. In my world that's ever changing, I cling to the One who remains constant. But my second favorite aspect of the Lord and his relationship with us is the concept of redemption.


Being in Haiti these past few weeks has given me a fresh look at redemptive work of Jesus. I've heard about former voodoo priests who are now following Christ. I've witnessed the redemption of a marriage. And I've been blessed to see how God is now redeeming a family unit some 19 years after a whole lot of ugly messed things up. Seeing God redeem the lives of those around me reminds me of my own redemption story.

When I surrendered my life to Jesus, he could have taken the parts of my life that were noxious and thrown them away. Instead he did something much more meaningful. Jesus took the darkness and all that was ugly, and he redeemed every part of me. He took that ugliness and made it something beautiful and good. Something that blesses others and points them to the great Redeemer.

Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

from the song Jesus Paid It All

Provision

Why do I ever doubt God? He has never given me a reason to doubt him. On the contrary, he has consistently provided all that I need--and so much more! Earlier this week I was really struggling to trust that the finances I need to go to Haiti would ever show up. I was frantically brainstorming ways to raise more funds and obsessing about how much money I didn't have.

On Thursday I remembered, with a little help from the Big Guy upstairs, that it's not my job to find the needed money or think of ways to generate it. The Holy Spirit reminded me that the Lord owns cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10) and that he can do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I decided that I was going to trust God and his timing--even when it didn't look like what I had planned.

Later that night I got a call from the couple who looked at my house last week. They've agreed to rent it for the time I'm gone! Not 15 minutes later some very generous friends gave me a check for five thousand dollars. I still can't believe it! It is indeed an excellent reminder of God's provision.

So this morning as my heart overflows with thankfulness, the apostle Paul's words to the Philippians are forefront in my mind:

And my God will meet all your 

needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:19

They're Off!

It has taken me much longer to send my "Haiti Letters" out to family and friends. Let's just say there were a lot more steps in the process than I thought there were.

Here I am stuffing envelopes at my friend Jen's house.

 And here is a stack of envelopes ready to go. It took me an hour to finish assembling the last 40 envelopes and to put all the stamps on the envelopes!

Hoping God will call some of the recipients of these letters to join "Team Gramothe" as prayer partners and financial backers.

Announcement

I am moving to Haiti in August to teach English for a year!!

When I was in Haiti for spring break the missionaries there invited me to return to Haiti to teach English to the high school students and the orphans at the children's home. I thought it was a fantastic idea and told them I would pray about it. After many questions and much prayer, I have committed to spending the 2010-2011 school year in Gramothe, Haiti. There are still a few things that need to happen for me to actually leave for Haiti in August--such as raising support and finding a foster family for my dog--but I believe God is calling me leave my comfortable life here to spend a year serving with Mountain Top Ministries.

I'll post more information in the coming days.

Each Day by Max Luado

I Choose Love..
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I Choose Joy...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I Choose Peace...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I Choose Patience...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I Choose Kindness...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. I will be kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I Choose Goodness...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I Choose Faithfulness...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My spouse will not question my love.

I Choose Gentleness....
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer. If I make a demand, may it only be of myself.

I Choose Self-Control...
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek His grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Anthem of the Week

Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair

Waiting...

But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands...
Psalm 31:14, 15

My school district is eliminating almost 40 teaching positions. I am not losing my job. But my position certainly won't look the same next year. Thursday was supposed to be the day my department discussed "placement opportunities" for next year. However, that meeting was postponed due to some unknown factors. It's impossible for my brain not to make up scenarios. I wonder if I'll be moving to the high school next year, if I could be teaching 7th grade, if I would be able to teach at risk students at the high school, if I'll have to work with a certain other English teacher in my building, if I will still be teaching Read 180, and if I might just have the same exact job I do now.

On top of all the drama at school, I've been considering becoming a missionary and moving overseas. Maybe "considering" isn't the right word to use. A more accurate term might be "tentatively planning." The Haitians captured my heart, and there is a need for someone to teach English at the Haitian school and to the 12 orphans living in the children's home. I don't know that God has said, "Britney, move to Haiti." but he also hasn't said, "Britney stop pursuing this."

So during this time of waiting, I just keep repeating my new mantra, "My times are in Your hands."

Jesus is Calling

These verses have been rolling around in my head for the past few months...

"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:33

"...Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
Luke 18:22

Then on Monday Pete Wilson shared an A.W. Tozer quote on his blog about the monstrous substitution we make when God's gifts take the place of God.

Then my daily reading of Scripture just happened to include the following passage from Acts 4.

³²All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. ³³With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. ³⁴There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales ³⁵and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.

I Surrender All

A Psalm of Conviction

Psalm 26

A psalm of David.

¹ Declare me innocent, O Lord,
for I have acted with integrity;
I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
² Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me.
Test my motives and my heart.
³ For I am always aware of your unfailing love,
and I have lived according to your truth.
⁴ I do not spend time with liars
or go along with hypocrites.
⁵ I hate the gatherings of those who do evil,
and I refuse to join in with the wicked.
⁶ I wash my hands to declare my innocence.
I come to your altar, O Lord,
⁷ singing a song of thanksgiving
and telling of all your wonders.
⁸ I love your sanctuary, Lord,
the place where your glorious presence dwells.

⁹ Don’t let me suffer the fate of sinners.
Don’t condemn me along with murderers.
¹⁰ Their hands are dirty with evil schemes,
and they constantly take bribes.
¹¹ But I am not like that; I live with integrity.
So redeem me and show me mercy.
¹² Now I stand on solid ground,
and I will publicly praise the Lord.

Not Doing Good, Part 2

Read Not Doing Good, Part 1 here.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

James 4:17

While I was spending the last 9 months trying to ignore God's call to do something about human trafficking (a.k.a. sex slavery), my friend Amy was obediently answering that same call on her life. She and her coworker Sarah have both become passionate about helping women escape the bondage of the sex slave trade. Originally they thought they'd have to eventually relocate to a city with human trafficking problems, but through researching they've learned more about sexual exploitation in our own community. Ultimately they'd like to open and run a shelter that will provide a place for women to heal, learn new skills, and eventually reintegrate into their communities all the while experiencing the love of Christ. However, that takes more money than they currently have, and neither of them can quit their day jobs to be a director of something that involved.

Fortunately through all the researching, Amy and Sarah have found a need they do have the resources to fulfill. There are Christian shelters that exist in the United States, but they have a hard time obtaining the funds necessary to maintain their facilities and programs. Amy came up with the idea to create a website that helps raise awareness and money for these organization, as well as recruit volunteers for ministries and organizations that work with human trafficking victims. Through a series of events that only God could have orchestrated, Amy and Sarah are off to an amazing start at making this website a reality.

Now, how do I fit into all this? Good question! Amy shared her vision with me back in July. She also opened my eyes to the human trafficking taking place in my own town. I left that night knowing I couldn't sit on my duff any longer. I had to do something. So, I e-mailed Amy and said I was willing to help with her website. I thought maybe I could do some data entry or something else administrative. Amy was happy to bring me "on board" with her project. She was still at a place where she wasn't sure anything would actually materialize out of everything she was talking about and hoping for.

At this point in time, I think it's safe to say God has crushed all of Amy's doubts about the website becoming a reality. Amy and Sarah have a team of 5 or 6 people who have committed to being a part of their nonprofit to help human trafficking victims. The website they dreamed about has been created and is starting to take shape. Then Amy and Sarah's story was shared at a church of 3,000 people a few weeks ago. Because of that service, two buildings have been offered as potential shelter locations. Teenagers from the church have committed to helping raise awareness about the issue of sex slavery. They are doing research on human trafficking now, so they can create a presentation to take to others. The people from that congregation have poured out an overwhelming amount of support for this cause, and the doubts about not having resources to make the website successful disappeared.

When the website is open to the public, I'll be more active in my role as "official blogger." Until then I am educating myself on everything human trafficking. Then after the holidays our team wants to visit some established shelters in the region.

I will no longer ignore the good I know I should do. There are women and young girls out there waiting for someone to give them a way out, and I can't ignore my responsibilities any longer.

Not Doing Good, Part 1

I've been trying to ignore something for months because it's sad. More than sad, really. It's heartbreaking and horrific and completely unfathomable in my neat and tidy life. I've been ignoring it because it doesn't affect me. It's not part of my life.

And so over the past 9 months to a year, I have actively found ways to avoid the issue of human trafficking--specifically the area of sexual exploitation. I have refused to read Sold by Patricia McCormick because of the content, even though the book comes highly recommended. I've avoided thinking too much about blog entries like this one because I might have to admit that people actually live that nightmare day in and day out. My theory has been if I don't think about it, I can pretend it doesn't exist.

However, that hasn't worked out so well for me. God has been persistent in tugging on my heart strings. First there was the song When the Saints by Sara Groves. It's a fabulous song, but those two lines "I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor, I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door" convicted me every time every time I heard the song. Then there was the movie Slumdog Millionaire. God used it to get me thinking back in March. During the summer I came across blog entries like this one about a community in Thailand.

Early this summer I finally became willing to acknowlege the problem (what a gross understatement!) of sexual exploitation. While I would like to ignore the issue, I know for the women and children who are victims of the sex slave trade it's not an option to just ignore it. They have to deal with the nastiness and horrors of sexual exploitation every single day.

Now that I've acknowledged the problem, the next step is doing something about it. I've spent the majority of the summer doing nothing. And that my friends is going to change.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
James 4:17

While I'm Waiting

I heard this song on the radio the other day and really liked it. It's a good reminder for me, since I've been a little impatient to get to the next phase of life lately.

Control

It's fitting that when I played my "Britty's Bad Day" playlist on shuffle this evening the first song to play was I Surrender All. You see, today I learned that two of my former students, who are very dear to my heart, were busted for having pot at school. It breaks my heart that these boys have chosen this path for themselves after we discussed so many times what it would take for them to graduate. I know they haven't seen anyone in their immediate families take a different path. Neither of their parents graduated from high school. No one at home really expects them to graduate. Sure, the deck is stacked against them, but they have so much potential. I want desperately for both of them to know Jesus and experience his life changing love. It hurts my heart that their lives are filled with darkness when they could be living in the light of Christ.

All afternoon I've been upset by this news that they are making poor choices. It's so very frustrating to see the direction their lives are heading, but the most upsetting part is knowing there is nothing I can do. Nothing. I don't have a relationship with these boys anymore, so I don't have the opportunity to speak truth into their lives. I don't see them when I'm walking my dog or buying groceries. I don't even have any of their younger siblings in my class. There is literally no avenue for me to impact their lives. It's almost more than I can take because, dang it, I want to be in control. Because in my yearning to be the one in charge I delude myself into thinking if I were in control, these two boys would be making better decisions.

Thankfully God knows my delusions are unhealthy, and he's willing to remind me through whatever means available (iTunes playlists for example) that surrender is the best option.

Because really he's got it under control.

Paul says he "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

Ephesians 3:20

"God brings death and God brings life, brings down to the grave and raises up. God brings poverty and God brings wealth; he lowers, he also lifts up. He puts poor people on their feet again; he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope, Restoring dignity and respect to their lives—a place in the sun!" 

1 Samuel 2:6-8

Continue in Him

"And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."
1 John 2:28

What does it mean to "continue in him"? Does it mean to continue loving deeply, to continue pursuing him, to pray as he prayed? Does it mean more Bible study, more involvement in ministry, more prayer? Does it mean doing more than I am now? Does it mean doing anything?

Maybe to "continue in him" means to surrender my life daily, hourly even, into the hands of the one who gives life. Maybe continuing in him means allowing my mind to be transformed into the mind of Christ and giving up my ways for God's. Maybe it means asking the Holy Spirit to guide me through each moment of the day.

Maybe the key to continuing in him is identifying the parts of my life that bring me shame and cause me to be less than confident in his presence and then repenting.