Monday, December 27, 2010

Conflicted

I love being here in Indiana. I am enjoying the time with my family, the snuggle time with Dax the dog, and the yummy food. I forgot how much I liked American food! More than that, I've felt overwhelmingly blessed by my church family. They welcomed me so warmly with hugs and hellos; it was like I had never left. They even have gifts for me to take back to my students in Haiti. And I'm really looking forward to reconnecting with so many friends over the next week.

But even with all these sweet blessings, I miss Haiti. My little friend Rosias was baptized yesterday after church, and I'm really bummed that I wasn't there for it. Later this week is January 1st. It's one of the most celebrated holidays in Haiti--it's both New Year's Day and their independence day. I'm sad I'll miss that celebration too. I miss the kids from Laboule and my computer class. Even though I haven't mentioned it to the internet world before, I've met someone special in Haiti. I miss him. A lot.

I'm having a hard time reconciling these conflicting emotions. I want to be able to enjoy my parents and friends without feeling like I'm missing out on what's going on in Haiti. And I want to be able to connect with my Haitian friends and students without the guilt of feeling like I abandoned my loved ones in Indiana.

What I really want is to be able to call both places home, and enjoy the time I have in each place, without feeling guilty.

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. okay, we DO need to catch up! can't wait to hear all your fun news and stories this week :)

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  3. Happy New Year!!
    New Year's 2011 Fireworks Celebrations Around the World
    http://fireworks2011.blogspot.com/
    Demo on YouTube
    http://youtu.be/yiPvT_nhHt8?hd=1

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  4. And... I'm sorry to tell you, now that you have left part of your heart in Haiti (with your students, with the people, with whoever :-)) it will always stay there, no matter where else you move or live! That is how it goes when you spend part of your life overseas - when you come back, it's never *quite* the same again. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that you can't expect everything to be the same when you come back. YOU have changed! I'm glad that you are feeling that way about Haiti - that's great! And I want to hear more about this guy, too :-)

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  5. welcome to the world of calling 2 places home. not an easy way to live. i always wanted to take all the people i love with me to la paz so i could have it all. too bad that doesn't work :( even though i miss you terribly, i'm so excited for the abundant life you have found in haiti. i can't wait to spend time with you and hear more about it. love you friend.

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